It’s been a long time, and much has happened. I mentioned before, a place is only as good as the people you know in it, and I now live in the best place in the world. Why? Because the man of my dreams, the man I can look to for anything, and that I love with my every cell, and the man I miss with all my heart lives here. He is currently doing his best to prove how amazing he is to the army over in North Carolina, but he will be back in a week and a few days. Everything else seems so trivial compared to the way I feel about him. Nothing else matters. Seeing him, being with him, it’s where I am supposed to be. I don’t have a doubt in my mind. He makes me feel so much better about myself, about being me. I would drop everything just to be where he is. Don’t get me wrong, we have our fights. I yell and scream (because he doesn’t) but we always get past it, and we always will. I will love him until the day I die. This is so different from my first “love”. It doesn’t feel anything like that. This is different. He is a piece of me. It’s like he truly sees me. My feelings are all over the place when I am near him. He is exactly what I want and need. He makes me feel special, and loved, and I want more than anything to fall asleep with him. I miss him so much, and I cannot wait til he gets home. Since day one I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I don’t know that I ever will. Not a minute goes by I am not curious about how he is, what he is up to, and when I will get to see those blue eyes again. Our life won’t always be easy. Already it’s had its difficult weeks. Months ahead look cloudy, but the sun will shrine through. This adventure will last me the rest of my life, and while I have had many adventures before, and there are many more to come. This will be my greatest.
So, it’s been a while sine my last post…but something amazing has happened within that time.
Kasey and I are officially together. He still wants to “ask” me in person though haha, so cute. We have technically been together for almost a month. Known each other for about 3 months. But, I know I love him. I’m IN love with him. I have been since the moment I saw him. It truly was love at first sight. And I am so glad that Ridley and I decided to do stairway to heaven and bring Erik and Kasey along. Kasey was the one that wrapped up my leg, and later that weekend, we ended up kissing…and so on. He is everything to me. It’s different from when I was in love last time. This kind of love could destroy me. Kasey could destroy me, if he wanted to, but I hope he loves me as much as I love him. It’s crazy, and irreplaceable. We are not physically together, and I don’t know when we will be again. But I know he is my soul mate, if such a thing exists. I can make this work, I WILL make this work, far, or close, I love him with my whole heart, he fills my heart up completely. No holes, no questions, just pure love. I WILL marry him, tomorrow, years from now, whatever. I am that much committed.
The curse of adventure is this’
You are so excited to see new places meet new people, that you forget that you will be leaving so many other things behind. A place is only as good as the people you know there, and when you realize that you’re headed somewhere where you know no one, then it makes you wonder if you should have stayed in the place where there are people you will miss. I left him, and I wish so much that I could see him. I wish I could just take him with me and we could travel the world together, seeing all the things I want to see, because he is the only person I would have wanted to share those experiences with. Usually I like to be independent, and do those kinds of things alone, without the help of others, but with him, I feel like I could do anything, I feel like WE could do anything and we could see so many of the worlds wonders, together.
But now I cannot. He is in Hawaii, I am currently in Washington, headed to California. I hope life brings me back to him, because in all honesty, I could see myself fully committed. I would have loved to have the opportunity to be his girlfriend. He even said I would have been by now if I hadn’t been leaving. I am worried he will forget about me. I know that’s wrong of me, he has every right to move on and never think of me again, as I am half way across the ocean now…but I can’t help but hope, wish, and dream, that he will not. That he will decide to be with me no matter the odds and that we will work. And he will come to San Diego to be with me.
But again, that is far too much to ask of him. He deserves to be so happy, because he is such a wonderful man. This, my friends, is the curse of seeking adventure.
Avril Lavigne is good at describing how I feel right now.—
It will be very hard to say goodbye on Wednesday afternoon. I am not sure I will be able to handle it. I am not someone who cries, even when a relationship crumbles, in pain, or when I am sad…but I just might cry when I have to say goodbye to him. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. He treats me so good, and I’ve never felt happier being with someone. I could see myself with him in the future. Who knows? But I am leaving, how will I ever know what could have been? I’m falling for him. I told myself not to, but when did I ever do the rational, smart thing to do?
I had the most amazing week I have had in a VERY long time. Ridley came on Tuesday of last week and we got drunk and went out to sushi. We of course looked super cute. Over the next couple days we hit up the beach, went out to eat a couple times and hung out with B. We decided that on Thursday night we would finally climb Stairway to Heaven, in Kaneohe, HI.
Stairway was super intense for those of us who do zero exercise on a daily basis. I made us stop a few times because it was exhausting and at one point I got really dizzy. We started at about 3 am in the pitch black; Cam, Ridley, Adrian, Erik, Kasey, and I. It took maybe two hours, 3922 steps, and 2700 vertical feet to reach the top. At one point my foot slipped through two steps and I scraped the lower part of my shin. It didn’t hurt too bad so I didn’t think anything of it. When we got to the top it was still dark, so I had Kasey and Erik shine lights on my leg, just to see the damage. It was extremely bloody, ruined my sock and shoe, as well as was a very deep scrape in my leg. I was sooo glad Kasey was there, because he had a kit with some gauze and tape, he fixed me up after cleaning the wound with iodine. That’s when I first really thought about him as more than just a really hot guy. He was so caring and so sweet. I guess I just never really looked at him that way before because Erik was always getting in the way. We watched the sun rise as best we could through the clouds, and made our way back down. It was so tiring, but I loved it.
We headed back to the Schofield barracks where Erik and Kasey live, as they are in the army. We slept there, hung out there, Ridley went with Erik on a drive, and I wanted to stay there, Kasey stayed as well. We got to talking, watching tv, and we kinda fell for each other right there. It was so nice. We spent all weekend together, at the beach, his room, out and about doing normal things. But it was one of the nicest, most amazing weekends ever. I really like him, and I now find it very unfortunate that I am leaving. He makes me a better person without doing anything, I feel better, nicer, happier just being around him. He treats me like a princess and doesn’t ever get mad. Always in a good mood. I cannot get him off of my mind. Erik seems a little bothered by it, but he treated me terribly and isn’t even in Kasey’s league. I can be real and sweet, and calm, when I am with Kasey, feelings I don’t often get. Especially the calm.
Ridley left yesterday, after a night of Krazy Karaoke, which was fun.
I love my best friend, and will miss her dearly. Hopefully see her soon.
And I also love spending time with Kasey, something I will miss too much being gone. He makes me feel so special and amazing. I feel like there is something there, and while I tried to not get attached, I couldn’t help it. He is too perfect for me. I don’t want to leave anymore, because this could have been something that would have lasted. Now I will never know if it could. My only regret.
I just hope that one day, we meet again.
My best friend Ridley finally made it Hawaii this week! We are sooooo happy to be back together (homo intended). I love this girl. We are going to tear up the island once more. Hopefully get some of those things I want to get done out of the way; like stairway to heaven hike tomorrow night/Friday morning.
We went to the beach today and it was excellent. I got a little sun burned but that’s ok, let’s call it sun kissed.
Subway for lunch, and fancy dinner tonight with B at Doraku’s Sushi. FUCK YEAH!
Much love, Danae & Ridley